I live with my relatives and almost everyday is pretty lively, with all my cousins and aunts visiting the house on an almost daily basis. They do have a close-knit relationship, even though my five aunts tend to argue with each other, especially my 2nd and 4th aunt. I'm not used to this sort of lifestyle. In Brunei, I live a quite introverted lifestyle. After school, I will stay in my room for most of the time, blasting music from my laptop, trying (but failed miserable countless times) to rearrange my stuff and tidy up my room, reading my book whenever I'm in the mood, have my nap... I did almost everything inside my room. I don't even eat dinner with my parents, we don't have that habit of eating together. Mom gets hungry easily, Dad comes home quite late from work, and me, well I may be asleep, so we usually eat separately at separate times. I do go out sometimes, hanging out with my friends, especially during Form Sixth where most of us are separated and we tried to meet up whenever someone came back from overseas. My parents and I don't go out too, like going out shopping or just travelling. I don't like that therefore I'm always the one left at home. At the time when we moved to a new house and I had my own room (like finally), I discovered there's a WiFi service at my house area and I finally have Internet in my own house, when I was 16 years old btw. So I was really fascinated by the Internet starting from there on.
I came to Penang for my degree studies. My parents, especially my Dad, seems to think it was the best possible decision for me. In Penang, it's quite an extroverted lifestyle here. Youngsters tend to went out after classes, especially college/uni students, who most of them have driver's license and their own transports. Whenever I opened my Facebook, I saw my coursemates' status or uploaded photos. They usually went out together or with their own friends, living life and having fun.
And me?
I have to look after my brother, who has epilepsy and is also really naughty. I do not have much friends too, which is why I seldom went out. My friends, have their own friends too, and boyfriends, and work, so they do not have much time for me. That's okay. I don't blame them. My only haven is my laptop, my books and Shinhwa (recently). My aunts tend to scold me about this. I know. Really. I know that this is unhealthy, that I should go out, try new things... do something, rather than rotting at home in front of my laptop.
But I think and think again, what can I do? First, there's slight language barrier, I can't speak Hokkien nor do I understand much of it. And most of the people here preferred to speak in Hokkien. I do not own my own transport, can't really go anywhere. Third, I have to look after my brother, as I had mentioned in the above paragraph. My 2nd aunt always scolded me, saying I should go out... the way she scold me is really spiteful. She's the main reason why I'm so unhappy here. Until now, I still can't seem to warm up to this place.
There are many things I really want to do now and during my 20s. I want to travel around the world, especially European countries. I want to buy a decent camera and take pics of all the scenery when I go travelling next time. I want to learn archery, learn another language, especially Korean, Japanese and French. I want to learn how to cook, I want a bookshelf where I can proudly display my vast collection of books. I wonder when I finally can take flight away from this oppression and finally be free to make decisions of my own. I do hope at least by the end of this year, I will be able to find a part-time job, make my own bank account and finally be able to buy Shinhwa albums and DVDs online. Lol.
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